The ultimate cock block

The ultimate cock blocker is a low self-esteem, it really is.  Because for the most part, it is always with you.  A friend or a mother or whatever may not be around at the right time, but self consciousness will strike at the perfect moment.  I have a low self-esteem, and it isn't too bad, but it gets in the way.  I hesitate because of it, and at times, I really despise it.  I try to get better at it, but stepping out, but I still don't think that I am ready, I am always afraid of rejection. Just because I could ask a girl out and the worst that could happen is she turns me down, almost seems rude.  That I am using her to get over something so minuscule.  If I am going to go on a whim and ask a girl out, I will probably end up taking my time, making sure that she has some kind of interest in me.  Otherwise it is a waste of time, for both of us.  Now, at sometimes, if I am in a different location, somewhere that I will not be returning to any time soon, I do lose some self-consciousness, or at least I mask it.  I know that even if things go right, not much can happen.  Long distance relationship suck for me.  Anything past twenty miles really.  But, I can leave my shell sometimes, but I still have the creepiness that I have earned.  Not in the pedo kind of way, but in the random spontaneous kind of way.  I say things that people want to think about saying, but don't.  But either way, I am still single, still in a rut, and still insane, but no matter what happens, I can still rock it out.  As much as I can hate myself sometimes, I know I can be awesome.